Last night I had the pleasure of watching the film, "Once," directed by John Carney. I know...it came out in 2006, but for whatever reason it was only recently that I had the pleasure of enjoying this Irish-hewn epic.
The movie was about an unknown, struggling Irish guitar/vocalist, fixing Hoover vacuums by day while playing on the streets of Dublin by night. Enter a relentless immigrant gal who romantically interrupts his life, dragging her vacuum along as an excuse to see him, pushing him to at last record an album.
The movie and music were remarkable, but the reason I bring it up? I was captivated by a subtle undertone throughout the movie that was more of a presumption than any intended theme. Entranced in its story I fell into the lives of simple places and the humble homes of its heroins. The immigrant character after her late night of work, pulled up the covers of a bed not much bigger than her daughter's crib, in an apartment with her mother, where the three neighboring men would come to watch television on the only tv in the complex.
Sometimes I have to say that I find myself overwhelmed by the pressing demand of American culture which can often stipulate a never ceasing emphasis to have more. But how much do we really need? Does it actually matter in the grand scheme of things what we have? All the things in the world cannot replace the remembrance of an enjoyed evening of friends talking over a simple cup of coffee, tea, a glass of wine or beer. And consider how much we hinder kindred relationships when we shore up greater obstacles in their way, belaying them with hinted shames of presumed expectations.
I realize that this is a bit off keel from my typical banter, still I can't help but reignite the ever kindred company of companionship, humble gifts , and un-presumed dwellings and rally to them the champion of their well-abled cause: simplicity. My thoughts are only mine, but I hope to urge myself and my listener to forgo the presumed profit of privilege for the greater fortunes of low-lit laughter and tears.
A link to the podcast.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Oh Sweet Revenge?
There is a old proverb that goes, "Before you begin on the journey of revenge, dig two graves."
Have you every been hurt by someone. Really hurt; where somebody acted in a malicious manner toward you, purposefully acting out in a vindictive way, so much so that it was painfully obvious that they were going above and beyond to get back at you?
It doesn't even have to be a vindictive act. Sometimes it can be just as painful of an experience when you are being hurt or punished by someone who believes that what they are doing is actually right, or necessary, or even loving.
Most of us find revenge, at least in principle, to be pointless, that is until we are the ones being hurt by somebody. Revenge never seems to be a good idea until we are laying under the crushing weight and stress of the onslaught of someone's anger and retribution. It's at that point that the idea of getting back at someone becomes the most potent. It's at that juncture when making a decision about what to do becomes incredibly difficult.
In the midst of the storm of emotion and hurt, when you are feeling cheated and wronged, when someone you cared for has unloaded their most bruising of blows, that is the moment when the most difficult of decisions appears. It is that moment where we have to set aside our deep seated emotions and consider the cost of revenge. To be sure, revenge may seem like it would relieve the hurt, but the unfortunately reality of dealing blows is that there is no end to retaliation.
Instead of considering the pleasure of hitting back, consider the cost of an your injured hand. Dealing a blow takes energy and has a cost. The choice we have to make is whether we want to waist our time and energy and health serving retribution, or invest that same power in friends or people who reward us with love and patience.
The choice whether to revenge or to move-on has little to do with justice, or being vindicated. It has only to do with where we channel our energy: whether toward the abyss of avengement, or to the creation of new life and new love.
Have you every been hurt by someone. Really hurt; where somebody acted in a malicious manner toward you, purposefully acting out in a vindictive way, so much so that it was painfully obvious that they were going above and beyond to get back at you?
It doesn't even have to be a vindictive act. Sometimes it can be just as painful of an experience when you are being hurt or punished by someone who believes that what they are doing is actually right, or necessary, or even loving.
Most of us find revenge, at least in principle, to be pointless, that is until we are the ones being hurt by somebody. Revenge never seems to be a good idea until we are laying under the crushing weight and stress of the onslaught of someone's anger and retribution. It's at that point that the idea of getting back at someone becomes the most potent. It's at that juncture when making a decision about what to do becomes incredibly difficult.
In the midst of the storm of emotion and hurt, when you are feeling cheated and wronged, when someone you cared for has unloaded their most bruising of blows, that is the moment when the most difficult of decisions appears. It is that moment where we have to set aside our deep seated emotions and consider the cost of revenge. To be sure, revenge may seem like it would relieve the hurt, but the unfortunately reality of dealing blows is that there is no end to retaliation.
Instead of considering the pleasure of hitting back, consider the cost of an your injured hand. Dealing a blow takes energy and has a cost. The choice we have to make is whether we want to waist our time and energy and health serving retribution, or invest that same power in friends or people who reward us with love and patience.
The choice whether to revenge or to move-on has little to do with justice, or being vindicated. It has only to do with where we channel our energy: whether toward the abyss of avengement, or to the creation of new life and new love.
Tuesday, September 07, 2010
"You Made Me Feel Normal"
The other day a friend and I were at the local QFC grabbing some food to prep for a barbecue. We were headed down the frozen food isle to pick up some popsicles.
Just as we were about to head to the checkout line, I noticed a lady in a power-stroller. She was attempting to reach into the freezer door and pick out a couple of boxes of popsicles. Unfortunately her chair made it near impossible to keep the door open while trying to reach up to the freezer shelf to grab her product.
I hurried over to hold the door and then notice that she was going to need help getting to the popcicles. I placed my hand on her shoulder and said, "They sure didn't make them easy to reach, did they? Can you tell me which ones you want and I'll grab them for you." She smiled and moved her chair back, and after rifling through the mess of popsicles on the shelves, we finally grabbed the ones she wanted. She put them in her bag and grabbed my hand saying, "Thank you dear. You made me feel normal."
For some reason her words struck me. She didn't just say thank you, instead she helped me understand that feeling normal was important to her.
It is easy for us to look around and pick out things that are not normal, or are different. We learn to do this early on in our cognitive development. It was even a game on Sesame St. with a jingle, "One of these things is not like the other..." Often times, we can get pretty wrapped up in trying to not appear as abnormal or different. Still there are many who's circumstance will never provide them the opportunity to fit in, whether that be a physical disability, race, creed, color, or sexual orientation.
It's understandable to want to feel like we are accepted by others, but let's not forget to remember that there are many whose context places them outside of what may be considered social norm. It's important to put our feet in someone else's shoes and understand their situation. Making someone feel normal, helping them feel recognized, is a gift that has more impact than we often realize.
As Rena Harmon said it, "Acceptance. It is the true thing everyone longs for. The one thing everyone craves. To walk in a room and to be greeted by everyone with hugs and smiles. And in that small passing moment, you truly know you're loved, needed, and accepted."
Just as we were about to head to the checkout line, I noticed a lady in a power-stroller. She was attempting to reach into the freezer door and pick out a couple of boxes of popsicles. Unfortunately her chair made it near impossible to keep the door open while trying to reach up to the freezer shelf to grab her product.
I hurried over to hold the door and then notice that she was going to need help getting to the popcicles. I placed my hand on her shoulder and said, "They sure didn't make them easy to reach, did they? Can you tell me which ones you want and I'll grab them for you." She smiled and moved her chair back, and after rifling through the mess of popsicles on the shelves, we finally grabbed the ones she wanted. She put them in her bag and grabbed my hand saying, "Thank you dear. You made me feel normal."
For some reason her words struck me. She didn't just say thank you, instead she helped me understand that feeling normal was important to her.
It is easy for us to look around and pick out things that are not normal, or are different. We learn to do this early on in our cognitive development. It was even a game on Sesame St. with a jingle, "One of these things is not like the other..." Often times, we can get pretty wrapped up in trying to not appear as abnormal or different. Still there are many who's circumstance will never provide them the opportunity to fit in, whether that be a physical disability, race, creed, color, or sexual orientation.
It's understandable to want to feel like we are accepted by others, but let's not forget to remember that there are many whose context places them outside of what may be considered social norm. It's important to put our feet in someone else's shoes and understand their situation. Making someone feel normal, helping them feel recognized, is a gift that has more impact than we often realize.
As Rena Harmon said it, "Acceptance. It is the true thing everyone longs for. The one thing everyone craves. To walk in a room and to be greeted by everyone with hugs and smiles. And in that small passing moment, you truly know you're loved, needed, and accepted."
Wednesday, September 01, 2010
Forgiveness: One Very Complicated Word
I'd like to begin by stating just one word. But first, I'd like to ask you to take a deep breath...
The word?
Forgiveness...
Take a couple of seconds to just sit on the word a bit. Fascinating word isn't it? Just the word itself seems to conjure up emotion. No doubt, as you thought about that simple word, forgiveness, the faces of very specific people already invaded your thoughts. With them feelings of emotion - hurt, resentment, regret and love - find themselves held closely in tow.
Why is it that just one word can cut to the the very heart of our most vulnerable selves...and our most vulnerable of relationships? It is remarkable isn't it? Forgiveness is a word that finds itself at the very core of our most valued and often our most complicated of personal connections. It is a word that nests itself equally within the context of our most cherished of friends and our most challenging of antagonists.
As Websters defines it, forgiveness means "to grant relief from payment of." Forgiveness is always predicated on something that is owed. It begins with the problem of a debt that either someone owes you, or that you owe others. It's an injustice, an imbalancing of the scale, whether it be financial, emotional, personal, or any other.
And that's what makes the word forgiveness so complicated. That's why it becomes such a difficult word to implement. Forgiveness asks us to set aside an injustice, it asks us to belay being righted, to set aside the scale of justice. And yet, forgiveness is not an ignoring of justice, it is a reconciliation of justice. It is not the ignoring of a debt, or wrong. Instead, it is the purposeful reconciling of the books. It is the writing of a zero balance on the books of our emotion and hurt. Forgiveness is a gift of new beginnings.
This morning, consider those who are in need of your forgiveness, who may have wronged you, who may owe you something. It is likely that they do owe you something, that you have been wronged and an injustice has been committed. But to what end does your demanding serve? As Ghandi put it, "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."
There are more options than simply justice. Ours is the choice and the opportunity to invade someone's life with the unexpected gift of forgiveness.
Here's a link to the podcast for this post.
The word?
Forgiveness...
Take a couple of seconds to just sit on the word a bit. Fascinating word isn't it? Just the word itself seems to conjure up emotion. No doubt, as you thought about that simple word, forgiveness, the faces of very specific people already invaded your thoughts. With them feelings of emotion - hurt, resentment, regret and love - find themselves held closely in tow.
Why is it that just one word can cut to the the very heart of our most vulnerable selves...and our most vulnerable of relationships? It is remarkable isn't it? Forgiveness is a word that finds itself at the very core of our most valued and often our most complicated of personal connections. It is a word that nests itself equally within the context of our most cherished of friends and our most challenging of antagonists.
As Websters defines it, forgiveness means "to grant relief from payment of." Forgiveness is always predicated on something that is owed. It begins with the problem of a debt that either someone owes you, or that you owe others. It's an injustice, an imbalancing of the scale, whether it be financial, emotional, personal, or any other.
And that's what makes the word forgiveness so complicated. That's why it becomes such a difficult word to implement. Forgiveness asks us to set aside an injustice, it asks us to belay being righted, to set aside the scale of justice. And yet, forgiveness is not an ignoring of justice, it is a reconciliation of justice. It is not the ignoring of a debt, or wrong. Instead, it is the purposeful reconciling of the books. It is the writing of a zero balance on the books of our emotion and hurt. Forgiveness is a gift of new beginnings.
This morning, consider those who are in need of your forgiveness, who may have wronged you, who may owe you something. It is likely that they do owe you something, that you have been wronged and an injustice has been committed. But to what end does your demanding serve? As Ghandi put it, "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."
There are more options than simply justice. Ours is the choice and the opportunity to invade someone's life with the unexpected gift of forgiveness.
Here's a link to the podcast for this post.
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